Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
