those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
