Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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