dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
