I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
