Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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