I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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