i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
