sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
