Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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