I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize