I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
