life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
