I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
