He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
