I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
