the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize