i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
