did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
