I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
