Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
