Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
