It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize