I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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