please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
