I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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