I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
