He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
