i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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