Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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