please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
