let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How does one acquire holy water?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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