A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
