if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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