She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
