who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
