MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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