she was so not down for the gang bang
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
