I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
