No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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