The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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