I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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