Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize