Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
