Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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