were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I could fuck to npr.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
