I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
