i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
