We won't sleep together?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
