Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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