after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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