i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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