Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
