I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
