am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
