He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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