Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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