the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
