haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would fuck him just for his dog
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize