I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
NoShamevember. You game?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
