I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
