I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize