just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
