Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
