I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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