and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
