Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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