the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize