I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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