shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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