Pants 0. Shit 1.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
