tell your sister to shave her snatch
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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