last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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