It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize