The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
